Religious shit stains
…and just like that, my colossal boner for Pierre Spies dies and I start convulsing uncontrollably. – via Twatter
Just north of the border in Zim, Penises, Politics and Pentecostalism are being merged into one gigantic storm of exquisite fuckery. – via Voices of Africa
I’m so happy South Africa has separation of church and state… PSYCH, we SO don’t. – via SA Breaking News
Social shit stains
No need for a DeLorean. All the per-civilization savagery can be found right here in Mzansi. Specifically the Western Cape, Gauteng and Kwazulu-Natal, #class. – via SA Breaking News (aka The Rape Times)
The Queen of England takes time out of watching Corgis hump each other to award an MBE to some dude who does stuff for people in South Africa, #meh. – via SA Breaking News
Ugh, looks like Mari-fucking-kana is still a thing. – via News24
Educational shit stains
The shame! The Free State dethrones the Republic of the Western Cape with the 2013 Matric pass rate. – via Mail & Guardian
The DA is calling bullshit on the latest national Matric exam results. Of course they are. – via SA Breaking News
Thor had a hand in this: All the more reason to visit the Drakensberg. – via Times Live
NUMSA shows all you haters that a trade union is in fact capable of logical thought. – via Fin24
Once again, undeniable proof that no link exists between level of education and people’s tendency to behave like deranged savages. No link whatsoever. – via News24
When toddlers get offed in Diepsloot, the only rational thing to do is to break shit down and harass the only people who can legally do something about the situation (DUH). Also, throwing stones at journalists reporting on the tragedy brings about justice (OBVEE. – via Mail & Guardian
Joke’s on you Huisgenoot! Someone in market research must have been fasting too long, because demintia must be setting in if they think has got any Muslim readers. – via Twatter
Fuck our lives! Nonhle Thema and Khanyi Mbau has been spared for another year. Is there no end to this torture?? – via Twatter
Oh jesus, oh jesus fucking christ. Can someone please confiscate Steve’s iPhone? I don’t think I can take any more of this misinformed pseudo-intellectual fuckery. – via Twatter
Fine, whatever, it’s not Saturday I know, but I couldn’t let this one slide…for obvious reasons. This week’s (last week’s) Knopkierie is Good-Guy-Rugby-Player-From-Down-Under David Pocock. I could write a whole article about that surname, but I shan’t because he deserves better. He does not, however, deserve better than juvenile cracks about his unfortunate family name because he is pretty much the embodiment of the expression “Greek God”, but rather because he is a) surprisingly not as thick as a box of jockstraps as his physical appearance would suggest, because b) he loves the gays as much as the gays love him (well, maybe not as much; I highly doubt he jerks it to a life-sized poster of Elton John and his life partner) and c) he does his bit by helping out the poor aids waifs of Zim. You might be wondering why an Australian rugby player qualifies as a eligible candidate for Knopkierie. Well, all this segment really is, is me showing the world what I have in my spank bank, but let me try to legitimize this decision like a professional (you: HAHAHAHAHA).
There are various reasons why I despise Robert Mugabe. His poor dress-sense being one of the top reasons and being instrumental in David Pocock becoming an Aussie is another. We all know that Bob gave Zimbabwe a good old fisting as far as agriculture and the economy is concerned, which led to the Pocock family leaving Zim and moving to Oz when David was 14. This then resulted in a direct loss for South African rugby (and thirsty bitches nation wide) because if he stayed in Zim he OBVIOUSLY would have come to Mzansi to pursue his rugby career as we all know that Zim was never that big on the rugga. FUCKING MUGABE! Luckily, judging from his twatter, it would seem that he has not forgotten about us. Here are some images to ensure that you also do not forget about him:
So for those of you who didn’t know; Zimbabwe’s president, Robert Mugabe, is continuing his campaign to win the highly coveted Biggest Douche in the Universe award. According to City Press, in a recent address at a rally in Bulawayo, Bob had the following to say:
“. . . then we have a respectable man, an Archbishop. Tutu should just step down, because he supports gays, something that is evil. We say no to gays…”
Bob had this to say about Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s stance against homophobia. Bob being a hateful prick and hating on a beloved South African public figure aside, I simply CAN’T with that outfit he is wearing! One thing is certain, this bitch definitely does NOT have a gay working his wardrobe out…and it shows. It’s a pity Zimbabwe’s First Lady of Tyranny, Gucci Grace, isn’t doing her wifely duty by bringing Bob back some swag from her travels. That mess hanging off him looks like it was thrown together from the second-hand shit Pep Stores imports in bales from Eastern, and that hat! That fucking HAT!
No tea no shade Bob, but if you want to talk shit about the gays then a) you need to have your outfit IN CHECK and b) you best make sure you wipe the residual jizz from the corners of your mouth after sucking your own dick. Homophobic slurs really don’t hold any credibility with a face full of spunk. Also, someone needs to talk to him about the Hitler situation on his upper lip. It is quite obvious that Bob draws significant political inspiration from Das Führer, but his PR ho needs to get fired for failing to ensure that shit doesn’t get photographed.
The diseased, prolapse asshole of the African continent concluded his mouth-queefing session by saying that “…victory is ours…”. I’m sorry, but the only victory to be had here is by the shady bitch who sold you that mess on your body, Bob! He saw your blind ass coming a mile away and is still laughing all the way to the bank.