Daily Skid Marks

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Gareth Cliff is the least pretentious judge on Idols SA. In related news, the Top 10 finalists of Idols SA has been decided. – via Twatter

The ANC does everything in their power to avoid the closure of a 103-year-old hospital in Durban as a result of shitty management (i.e. they urge the board to reconsider their decision). – via News24

Elana Afrika supports teaching the next generation of South Africans hoin’ skills from a very young age.  This is a cause I can get behind! – via Twatter

Bobby van Jaarsveld shows us the deserted walkway where he takes shots to the face at night (that’s what a “night shoot” is right?). – via Twatter

I can’t believe Orlando Pirates even have the nerve to consider playing in the MTN 8 final while Zakumi is still in a tik-induced coma. – via Mail & Guardian

Dr Mamphela Ramphele, shade throwing extraordinaire and glycerine enthusiast, is keeping the political fuckery going by stating the painfully obvious. – via News24

People are loosing their SHIT over WiFi spots. – via News24

The Prez calls the United Nations Security Council “outdated”. Kinda rich for someone who has hoes in different area codes as per his Zulu tradition. – via News24

The most beautiful man in rugby is back in his jock-strap. – via Twatter

 

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Zakumi: A Dream Shattered

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And just like that Buffoona Buffoona flushed Zakumi’s only dream down the shitter. If anyone is looking for him, I read on MXit that he’s in a basement somewhere in Cape Town doing tik with the hoes from Takalani Sesame to try and numb the pain. Zakumi’s woes are completely justified as Buffoona dropped out of the running to compete at the 2014 Soccer World Cup this past weekend because they couldn’t beat Ethiopia.  I’m not sure how the scoring works (with soccer balls, I mean), but in some way South Africa had to beat Ethiopia – whether on the field or with points scored, I don’t know – and they didn’t.  Ethiopia? Ethi-FUCKING-opia?? Aren’t these ho’s being kept alive with nothing but bags of AIDS-porridge and tubes of Malaria vaccine? How the fuck do you lose to Ethiopia?!

The saddest part of this defeat is not that South Africa won’t be competing in the very global sporting event we hosted in 2010. The saddest part of this defeat is also not the fact that we will in all probability lose our beloved mascot Zakumi to a tik overdose. The saddest part about Bafana dropping out of the competition is the fact that Doughboy Malema now has something to mouth-queef about again.

There is no doubt that soccer in South Africa needs development at grassroots level like Julius needs a to have a stomach bypass, but having to listen to his verbal diarrhea about how all whites are racist and him being black jesus won’t do anything to improve the situation. For now, we should all focus our efforts to find the tik-den Zakumi is at and get him to Harmony House to dry out! Stat!

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