Daily Skid Marks

Omo

Can someone please confiscate White Julius’s iPhone and put a muzzle on him? PLEASE? – via Twatter

THIS JUST IN: Dumb fucks who are fucking dumb enough to pay over 25K in rent can’t make payments on time because they are dumb fucks. – via Fin24

South Africa still remains the premier dumbing ground for artists who should have been embalmed a decade ago. – via Twatter

Make sure you register to be part of the fuckery next year! – via Times Live

SHOCK (read: not shocked at all): Boeremag leader, Tom Vorster, gets 25 years. – via News24

Jesus H. Christ! Pop this article by Beeld into Google Translate and marvel at the executive level INSANE FUCKERY the Boeremag was cooking.  I retract the previous statement about not being shocked over Tom Vorster’s sentence.  I AM shocked. I’m shocked that it’s 25 years and not 25 consecutive life sentences! – via Beeld

Another day, another corruption charge against a police official #sameshitdifferentday. – via News24

Another day, another Community Centre gets burnt down by protestors #sameshitdifferentday. – via Times Live

Where is Angie Motshekga when you need her to pray the gay away?! Come on Ange, b-holes are being violated in prisons by the truck-load! (Sidenote: If rape happens in a Correctional Service facility, is it “corrective rape”?). – via City Press

ZA Gossip should stop allowing their “staff writers” to do tik at their desks – for obvious reasons. – via ZA Gossip

Oh for the love of money! Guptagate is STILL a thing. Still?! #FFS. – via Mail & Guardian

By the bones of the ancestors! Someone in government actually had an idea that goes beyond petty bullshit. Somebody pinch me. – via News24

 

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Jub Jub Might Not Serve Out His 25-year Sentence

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If ZA Gossip‘s article is anything to go by (note to ALL of us: with “gossip” in your name, it’s probably not), hip hop artist Molemo “Jub Jub” Maarohanye might stand a chance of squirming his way out of the 25-year sentence he received for mowing down four teenage boys during a alcohol- and drug-fuelled joy ride in 2010. The year 2010 showed the world that we can proudly host a global sporting event like any other country in the world and it also showed the world that our celebrities like to be complete and utter shit-stains on the underwear of the nation…just like in any other country. Global unity! Alert P.J. Powers!

Last year, Jub Jub and his co-accused Themba Tshabalala were found guilty of murder by a Gauteng Magistrate’s Court. Jub Jub showed us that not only does he have a certain affinity for designer corn-rows (hold my hair while I violently puke my guts out), but that he is also an example of making excellent decisions. Jubz and Tshabalala thought it would be a good idea to get high as motherfuckers and then race down a public road in the middle of the goddamn day.  However, for reasons unknown to the rest of us, the South Gauteng High Court has approved his application for the appeal of his murder sentence and he could be out on bail as soon as next week.

Apart from the fact that I’m a dumbass (given I would never be able to obtain a law degree) (OK, maybe I’d be able to get one if I did it through UNISA and split it over 22 years), THIS is why I would never be able to be a lawyer.  If I was representing the State, got a conviction and then later had to hear that some human turd over at the High Court approved an appeal I would lose ALL my shit. That shit is just begging to get shanked! Let’s see what happens during the appeal.  Hopefully Jub Jub gets a gavel up his sphincter and sent back to the big house where he belongs!

 

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