What in R5-Eikestad-Parking-Taranaki HELL is this bullshit?! Apparently there is going to be a fun run/festival in Stellenbosch on 28 September. As an ex-Matie (and current whore), I have beaten around many a bush in Stellenbosch. I have also been to several music festivals, but I cannot remember exactly how many since I can’t even remember how I got home every time. However, the hooker who came up with this concept needs to ease up on the Eikestad parking merch, because obviously it has fried the biggest part of everyone’s frontal lobe (this is used for decision-making you dummies!).
Stellenbosch’s picturesque landscapes make for excellent running routes and the town is also a great place for hosting outdoor events like music festivals. Combining the two is, however, the biggest synaptic misfire I’ve heard of in a LONG time. I can just see the shady undergrads fucking up the day by handing the runner’s cups with vodka instead of water and subsequently the tired and DRIZZAY runners killing everyone’s buzz at the festival deploying their runners gut everywhere. I can already see all the runners complaining about the different “music stages” not playing the shit they need to get into THE ZONE and locals like Ben Elton and Moksie getting in the way of the runners (i.e. falling down drunk in the road in front of them) while enjoying these “music stages”.
The event as a whole gets a NO BITCH, but the prime cut of Matieland’s finest they used in the ad campaign gets a FUCK YEAH! (we’re all looking at the one on the left right?) I would not mind beating around both of their respective bushes. Here’s some more of them (which one do you think is the bottom?):