Pippi Longstockings Pulls A Kim Kardashian And FNB Jumps On That Poon Harder Than A Horny Pirate!

pippi

Those of you plebeian sluts who don’t know who Pipi Longstockings is, a) you piece of commoner TRASH, b) Pippi Longstocking is a fictional character in a series of Swedish children’s books by author Astrid Lindgren, which was later adapted into multiple films and television series.  One of the sweet little ginger girls who starred in the screen adaptations, Tami Erin, is now all grown up and has decided to show her sweet little ginger pussy to the world.  This is hardly news.  That shit’s been known for a while now.  However, what is news is that FNB’s marketing director is horny as FUCK and is taking his personal life to work with him.

The Pippi porno has leaked onto the internet (read: “leaked“) and 2Oceansvibe reports that a link to the Pippi pussy video on spinmediavideo.com has FNB as the sponsored ad which runs before you can view the leaked porno.  So basically, when you click play on this mess, you first have to sit through FNB telling you you fucking basic you are and how NOT basic they are and bla bla bla.  I suppose this makes sense. You might need to apply for a credit card to purchase this shit – I wouldn’t know, I don’t support pornography (which has vagina in it). Kudos FNB. Make dem coins!

 

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Shan Ramburuth: Pushed Out After Smashing One Out

shan Ramburuth

One can always expect of IOL to deliver the back end of the trashiest news available in Sub-Saharan Africa.  Today is no exception.  IOL reports that Competition Commissioner, Shan Ramburuth, has been forced to resign after it was found that he used his work SIM card to look at fuck-bits costing the Competition Commission R120 000 in international roaming charges.  I would like to take this opportunity to kindly request everyone to calm their self-righteous asses the fuck down. Calm? OK.

A couple of things are important to note here.  If web-design and fried chicken expenses at provincial level reach amounts that defies the sheer fabric of reality, then I can say with almost complete certainty that if Mr Ramburuth was racking up a 120K bill for looking at videos of GloZell playing real-life Hungry-Hungry-Hippo, no one would have had a single fuck to give about it.  But because he did what every normal man (or woman) does when in a hotel room after a day of working out of town – bust a nut – he is being made out to be the scum of the earth and unfit for his job. Give me a fucking break.

Secondly, even though I think the Ministry of Whatthefuckever which the Competition Commission reports to need to get the fuck down from their high horse, I still think he should have been fired.  However, the reason should not be for “improper use of company resources”, but rather for “being a dumb fuck”.  Let’s cut the shit and just admit that ALL of us have looked at a butthole or pussy-lip on a work device, on work bandwidth or in work time. The difference is, anybody with half a braincell would know to either keep that shit to an undetectable minimum, to erase your history or to do whatever needs to be done so you don’t get your thirsty ass caught!  Hopefully the acting commissioner will be less of a fucktard.

 

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A trip down Memory Lane (read: are we there yet?)

A friend sent me this. I really don’t know why. Consider yourself downgraded to friend of friends, bitch! Maybe since I saw her last she has gotten into old Afrikaans tannies. Maybe she needed to share her pain with someone after seeing this mess herself. Maybe she wants to know what I’d look like with tampons jammed in my ears, because I had a heavy flow day after clicking play on this mess. Either way, I’m setting her homepage to meatspin (NSFW) next time I’m at her house.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on the Afrikaans divas from the 80′s. In fact, as a gay toddler growing up in middle class South Africa, I basically worshiped Carike Keuzenkamp. Unfortunately, that chubby, faggy little version of myself couldn’t know or even conceive of the raw and awe inspiring talent that is mama Mara, or SHE would have been my idol, and this blog would have been wall to wall HER.

Seriously though, all I can add to this depressing-as-hell shit is NO BITCH to Sonja. NO BITCH while Tutu’s twatter is getting cut off. NO BITCH while Madiba is making more trips to the hospital than me to the STD clinic after a gaye ol’ weekend at The Pressure Cooker, and a resounding NO BITCH when, in less than a month, Bonnie Tyler is planning on making every South African within earshot of her concert go full Ingrid Jonker into the ocean off Three Anchor Bay. The Prez should take some tips from UK Prime Minister David Cameron and block block BLOCK this shit for the sake of the people!

And to answer your question, NO BITCH. Sonja, I’m not missing you. I’m not missing your Namakwaland-farm-girl-who-pole-vaulted-over-puberty vocals and I’m most certainly not missing that discount-Durban-poison-trip mess of an album cover. NO BITCH.

 

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