Hallelujah! It’s Raining Men! (and The Riviersonderend joke for dummies)

ass cpt

From the evidence that has passed my very own eyes it would seem it is not only raining cats and dogs in the Mother City, but also naked men! Sjoe! The photo above was snapped by a motorist on the M5 highway in Cape Town yesterday. By the look of things this is not our mystery streaker’s first time letting it all hang loose because these eyes don’t see no tan lines! In addition to this, local rag the Cape Argus (via news24), reports that this oke has been spotted as far away as Riviersonderend! Riviersonderend?? This must be the guy from the Riviersonderend joke! First off, if you haven’t heard of Riviersonderend, then just imagine the most remote, one-road, one-post office, NO WOOLIES, NO DRAG CLUB, arm-blanke paradise you can and then times it by 150 because that’s how fast people drive through Riviersonderend after a rapid piss break at the Shell service station. Clear? Now, if you haven’t heard the Riviersonderend joke, here it is (sorry, but it’s only funny in Afrikaans):

Daar was ‘n man opsoek na die klein dorpie genaamd Riviersonderend. Hy bereik sy bestemming volgens aanwysings maar sien geen naamborde om die dorp se naam te kan bevestig nie. Dit was ‘n Sondag namiddag so natuurlik was almal tuis en hy kon niemand kry om te raadpleeg nie. Hy loop toe maar so bietjie rond in die hoop dat hy wel iemand sou vind om te vra of hy wel in Riviersonderend is. Na so paar minute se gesoek kom hy af op ‘n man wat blyk te masturbeer in n verlate stegie tussen twee geboue. Hy wou omdraai en wegloop van die affêre, maar uit vrees dat hy dalk nie weer iemand so teëkom nie maak hy maar keel skoon en vra “Verskoon my meneer, maar kan u my dalk sê…is dit Riviersonderend?” Waarop die man heel geirriteerd antwoord: “Nee, dis naai-sonder-poes.”

Jesus, okay Rainbow Nation! Basically, this dude tries to get directions in Riviersonderend on a Sunday, but he can’t find a soul because everyone is in a potato salad and skaaptjop induced slumber. Then he spots a dude playing with his mielie in an alleyway, and he asks, “Hey, is this River-without-end?” (the name of the town) The other guy responds, “No, this is fucking without pussy!”.

… Yes. Crickets chirping. Tumbleweed rolls past…

Anyway! back to stormy and wet with a chance of nudity! This is the “fucking-without-pussy” guy! I would stake my last cheese curl on it! The Cape Argus also reports that City Traffic Services could not deal with this man’s Cape Cobra swinging all over the left lane like a leathery traffic boom, so they handed the matter over to the local police. What a bunch of pliggies! Spoiling the fun for the rest of us! Talk about speed humps ahead!