Daily Skid Marks

Omo

Religious shit stains

…and just like that, my colossal boner for Pierre Spies dies and I start convulsing uncontrollably. – via Twatter

Just north of the border in Zim, Penises, Politics and Pentecostalism are being merged into one gigantic storm of exquisite fuckery. – via Voices of Africa

I’m so happy South Africa has separation of church and state… PSYCH, we SO don’t. – via SA Breaking News

With South Africans’ tenancy to blame their own shitty behaviour to demonic possession, I wonder how long it is going to take for this European wave of sheer fucktardery to his us. – via Times Live

 

Social shit stains

No need for a DeLorean. All the per-civilization savagery can be found right here in Mzansi. Specifically the Western Cape, Gauteng and Kwazulu-Natal, #class. – via SA Breaking News (aka The Rape Times)

The Queen of England takes time out of watching Corgis hump each other to award an MBE to some dude who does stuff for people in South Africa, #meh. – via SA Breaking News

Ugh, looks like Mari-fucking-kana is still a thing. – via News24

 

Educational shit stains

The Gogo of Chucky just can’t seem to get enough of fucking with the country’s education system. – via News24

The shame! The Free State dethrones the Republic of the Western Cape with the 2013 Matric pass rate. – via Mail & Guardian

The DA is calling bullshit on the latest national Matric exam results. Of course they are. – via SA Breaking News

 

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Daily Skid Marks

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What can make you barf in two languages? Jennifer Su at the #ShineandSkitter gala (read: The Bilingual Barf-Off) in a mess that looks like the bastard offspring of Leeloo’s bandages and something only Cher would wear. – via Twatter

Also strutting his stuff at the Bilingual Barf-Off is “designer” Gert-Johan Coetzee serving MEH realness in all the right places! Wrinkled grey cotton shirt with button holes in the collar – meh! Tiny tinfoil neck-propeller – meh!! Mediocre hair circa 2005 – MEH!!! – via Heat Magazine SA

I am 100% DONE with this fuckery: How does showing up at a formal event in short-shorts and a Miami Vice jacket, or a casual beach dress deserve the title of “fab lady”? How?? – via Heat Magazine SA

A story more unbelievable than accounts of a Tokoloshe harassing the women-folk in their pussy areas every night: A government department capable of managing expenditure and actually spending LESS than they were allowed to. – via IOL

Haji Mohamed Dawjee: Executive level shade thrown at the Prez. I tip my wig to you Haji. – via Mail & Guardian

Paaaaass da dutchie buck on da left hand side: A classic tale about South African politics. – via News24

I am very confused by claims of the poms questioning Pierre Spies. However, not confused enough to properly research it online. – via Twatter

What does the Marikana cluster-fuck from last year and my drinking habit have in common? Neither know when to STOP. This shit is apparently still news. – via News24

It started with pray-the-gay-away, then we had pray-the-tokoloshe-interrupting-my-child’s-studying-away, now it would seem we’ve got pray-the-murder-away. Yey Jesus! – via News24

The saddest thing I’ve seen in a long time. Not the STATE of this fan’s face, but seeing what Skeletor-looking, Clicks-makeup-wearing, oily-as-fuck MESS Bobbie van Jaarsveld is married to. All the sadz :'(. via – Twatter

Of all the things Africa needs most, ugly, over-priced sports cars are definitely at the top of the list. – via Eye Witness News

 

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Daily Skid Marks

Omo3

And the Marikana mine saga goes on and on and on and on and ooooooooooooooooon. – via News24

Looks like South Africa’s mass delusion that changing a street name will make any difference has been upped by a few clicks. PLACE names are changing now and 2Oceansvibe have jumped on the bandwagon. Is no hood safe? – via Twitter

The Mail & Guardian is not asking the right questions. They should be asking a) When did the Hawks get reassembled? and b) Why can’t everyone just fucking leave Madiba alone? – via Twitter

Let it be written! People from far and wide will come to Cape Town only to suffocate to death as hoes on the street whip up dense clouds of coloured powder for them to run through! Verily! – via Facebook

STOP THE PRESSES! Half nose, half authentic Italian Salami, Patrizio Buanne, is on Top Billing tonight! – via Twitter

Hougi and Steyna shows us what they are going to do to each other in the hotel room after the wedding reception. – via Twitter

South Africa’s national women’s cricket team beat Bangladesh.  How the fuck do you operate a cricket bat in a Shalwar Kameez? – via Twitter

The Prez confuses the fuck out of everyone by sending the highly cuntested Secrecy Bill back to the National Assembly for redrafting.  Why is he suddenly doing actual presidential stuff like exercising a veto?! Suspicious.As.Fuck. – via News24

The SABC is currently a (extra) HOT MESS but it is not their fault. So says the SABC. – via Times Live

19 Activists for proper sanitation in Khayelitsha gets arrested after doing dumb shit that gets you arrested. – via Times Live

The reincarnation of Annie Lennox embraces her spirit animal. – via Twitter

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