Today We Remember: Robbie Klay

Since I was unable to process human language on Saturday due to my soul-crushing hangover after a night out with my squirrelfriends, I did not post a Knopkierie and for that I am terribly sorry (read: sorry, not sorry). To make up for this, I decided to give you all an extra special Today We Remember this Monday. Usually TWR is an ode to what some South African celebrity type used to look like, which is NEVER what they look like today. However, today I give you the cute little mullet-sporting munchkin pictured above. Isn’t he just too precious (not in a NAMBLA kind of way though)?? Well, if you think this singing cherub was cute in the 90’s, then hold on to your panties ladies, because Robbie 2.0 was a definite UPGRADE:

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

I kind of feel awkward referring to Robbie in a sexual context given the sexual molestation scandal between him and Jurie Els which ended in 2010. However, a) I am the same age as Robbie, b) Els was found not guilty and c) given the photo above Robbie himself obviously has no problem with being hyper-sexualised, so I suppose it’s open season on whacking off to pictures of him now that he is of legal age.

I know that he is supposed to be a singer, but I can honestly say I have not heard him belt out a note since his balls dropped (Puberty! Not his balls dropping into Jurie Els’s mouth you dirty fucks!). This is maybe a good thing, because listening to him sing would just confuse the FUCK out of my basic-ass brain as it looks like he belongs on a wrestling team, rather than a fucking stage!

Klay is my kind of celebrity – buff as a motherfucker and chock-full of SCANDAL. Apart from the fuckery he had going with Jurie Els, he also a) became a father at 16 and then proceeded to b) put some more of his baby-gravy in a 16-year-old at age 24 c) while he was engaged to actress-model-type Laetitia Bouwer. Pure class!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and slobber over these pictures while I wait for the next scandalous story to be tweeted:

[Disclaimer]