Daily Skid Marks

Omo

The rapper formally known as AKA (formally known as the stupidist stage name in Africa) arrived somewhere. So says a massively useless tweet by Heat SA. – via Twatter

Fucking greedy bitch, Premier Thandi Modise, wont share the D! – via Mail & Guardian

Kunt Darren (no, not Darren Scott), released a new form of human torture music video today. Get the bleach for your eyeballs and screwdrivers for your eardrums ready if you decide to watch this shit. – via Youtube

Bobby van Jaarsveld is being all hipster and shit by listening to actual CD’s in his car. #HipsterForJesus. – via Twatter

Victoria Beckham and Kate Moss spotted holidaying in a KZN caravan park. – via News24

If you like stick figures, desperately trying to fish for plankton to stay alive, being photographed in swimwear designed for plankton-sized organisms, then check out the Bridgestone Swimsuit shoot. – via 2Oceansvibe

BAAAAAARF! Next time you have a party in your nose-holes, just mind the toe-jam. – via News24

It’s always so nice to see a new and fresh news story come across your desk.¬† Well, today is not the day because this e-toll bullshit is STILL dragging on in classic ANC fashion. – via Fin24

Jar Jar Binks (aka Naledi Pandor) says¬†“White Widow”, Samantha Lewthwaite, used a fraudulently acquired South African passport to gain access to Kenya…but no one here could give two fucks about officially taking this matter up with the Kenyan government. Classy. – via Mail & Guardian

Poor Julius who had his land, his very own land, taken away from him just wants his own land back – peacefully and forcefully. – via News24

Political analyst Richard Calland find the perfect euphemism for “complete dipshit”. – via Mail & Guardian

My teachers never tossed my salad…now I just feel rejected. – via News24

Four Corners entered into the running for the 2014 Academy Awards, so all the foreigners can see how horrible it is to grow up in South Africa. – via 2Oceansvibe

 

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Daily Skid Marks

Omo

Vavi apologizes for calling his ladyboy hooker a girl (nopatazana). – via Mail & Guardian

First South African to ride in the Tour de France decides to quit that shit before the jig is up! – via News24

I can honestly say I would rather be violently raped with a rusty spoon than attend a Kunt Darren concern. However, if you disagree, here are some deets. – via Twitter

Pierre Spies is amazed by a photo of himself. Welcome to our world Pierre! – via Twitter

Morris the Tokoloshe getting into the festive season. – via Twitter

SANZAR CEO, Greg Peters, comments on that cunt Romain Poite being a meanie to our Bissie. – via Soundcloud

Bissie’s record has been cleansed of that vile Romain Poite’s shitty reffing. – via Times Live

Auditions for Sharknado: South Africa now open! – via ZAGossip

File under “news of the painfully obvious”: The Prez is delusional an uninformed. – via 2Oceansvibe

Election 2014 Manifesto: “The manifesto forums seek to provide an opportunity for the ANC to interact with our people on progress made and challenges confronted in creating a South Africa that is better today than it was in 1994 make false promises in a desperate attempt to win votes despite appalling governance”. – via Times Live

Ian Bredenkamp knows where its at! – via Twitter

Gareth Cliff needs to work on his sales pitch. – via Twitter

SABC editor, Montlenyane Diphoko, shows all South Africans that you can do any-FUCKING-thing you want, as long as you have a good enough lawyer. Keep up the good work Monty! – via Sowetan Live

The Hawks being a division of the SA Police Service is not stupid and is not a recipe for political interference you dummies: Kemp. – via Time Live

DA – 1, ANC – 0 (IOL – 0 for double negative): Cape Town least unequal SA city. – via IOL

Some trick with dainty-ass hooves finally won the #ElanaShoes! – via Twitter

 

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