Daily Skid Marks

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Lest we forget, our national police service being about as transparent and ethical as a Somalian War Lord. – via Mail & Guardian

The Crips and the Bloods ain’t got SHIT on what’s about to go down in Cape Town now that Mad Dog Staggie is out on day parole. – via News24

Can someone please tell Cosatu to just SHUTTHEFUCKUP? – via Time Live

The holiest of holy: Pillsbury Malema (aka black jesus) bites the hand that used to force-feed him and shits where he used to life. Has his knowledge and wisdom no end?! – via Times Live

Half of the Waterkloof Four back in the clink. – via News24

Parliamentary level fuckery continues as the 2014 national election draws closer. – via Times Live

Thirsty bitches try to use funds allocated for disaster relief to line their own pockets. Wait till black jesus finds out about this! SMITE SMITE SMITE! – via Times Live

Looks like the tricks at the Departments of Science and Technology and Trade Industry have taken a page out of Obama’s book. “South Africa’s access to and control over its own satellites will ensure advanced surveillance and reconnaissance capabilities“. Mother fuckers! – via 2Oceansvibe

Jeannie D adds her midriff to her arsenal of Europe-terrorizing instruments. – via Instagram

ALERT THE AUTHORITIES: The entire country is smoking massive amounts of tik. Or at least that is the only explanation I can think of for the Prez’s approval ratings rising. – via News24

Ex-senior editor of the national news fuckery ANN7, Rajesh Sundaram, is taking a page from black jesus’s book and plans on biting the hand that fed him for “a dreadful three months“. – via 2Oceansvibe

Washington DC gets served 3 meter high Mandela REALNESS. – via ZAGossip

 

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Knopkierie: Daniel aDONGo

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Ladies and ladyboys! I give you the international rugby community’s biggest whore: Daniel aDONGo (side note: I have no fucking idea who exactly is in the international “rugby community”). Before you all speed dial Legal Aid, extension: the libel division, let me explain! Daniel is no ordinary whore, he is a professional whore, and by professional whore I don’t mean his pimp is registered with SARS, I mean he’s played for almost every rugby team there is to play for.

This double-thick slab of dark chocolate is from Kenya, but was spotted by South African rugby scouts in 2006 and after attending the Natal Sharks Academy, he joined the Sharks XV squad for the 2010 Vodacom Cup (once again, I have typed all these words in what I think it the correct order, but fuck knows what they all mean).  In 2011 he was signed by the club boasting South Africa’s most elegant and sophisticated supporters, the Blue Bulls, but was quickly dropped from their squad like a bull turd in 2012 after just one season.  He is currently an American football player for the Indianapolis Colts. I could blithely say that Rugby Union and American football are the kissing cousins of sport codes with funny shaped balls, but not even I am that brave or reckless. Quite frankly I don’t give a blue ball what team he plays for, as long as I can see shirtless pictures of him training wherever in the world he is, I’m good.  Here are more of said pictures:

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