Daily Skid Marks

Omo4

Call PETA! Call Greenpeace!! Call the UN!!! After traumatizing all of Europe Jeannie D has set her sights on the poor defenseless animals of Botswana. – via Twatter

@jennifer_su doing what she does best. #Siphoning #the #fame #from #Blist #celebrities #while #posing #for #twitpics. – via Twatter

As usual, COSATU came up with a revolutionary and awe inspiring idea: Let’s all fuck up traffic in protest against people fucking up traffic. BRILLZ! – via News24

The IEC is actively trying to increase the amount of fucks the country’s youth give about voting. In case you were wondering, the number of current fucks given is not very high. – via Eyewitness News

BREAKING NEWS: The weather in Wales is shit. So shit, that the Millennium Stadium’s roof needs to be closed. How will we cope? – via News24 (Seriously News24? Seriously?!)

The answer to your question is yes. Yes we are very jealous Heat Magazine SA! #lustblackout. – via Heat Magazine SA

The reincarnation of Annie Lennox makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a tampon applicator. – via Twatter

Thanks for the update Rob! Good thing you told us about the shit service at a government department, otherwise we wouldn’t have known. Phew! – via Twatter

So apparently Mother Earth is being made into the environmental equivalent of a bukkake cumslut…and that is bad. – via Mail & Guardian

Oopsie. Looks like Ashanti Mbanga wont be getting to flash her organic 100% recyclable pussy to the Miss Earth International judges in the Philippines after all… :(. – via Times Live

 

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Daily Skid Marks

Omo4

Lest we forget, our national police service being about as transparent and ethical as a Somalian War Lord. – via Mail & Guardian

The Crips and the Bloods ain’t got SHIT on what’s about to go down in Cape Town now that Mad Dog Staggie is out on day parole. – via News24

Can someone please tell Cosatu to just SHUTTHEFUCKUP? – via Time Live

The holiest of holy: Pillsbury Malema (aka black jesus) bites the hand that used to force-feed him and shits where he used to life. Has his knowledge and wisdom no end?! – via Times Live

Half of the Waterkloof Four back in the clink. – via News24

Parliamentary level fuckery continues as the 2014 national election draws closer. – via Times Live

Thirsty bitches try to use funds allocated for disaster relief to line their own pockets. Wait till black jesus finds out about this! SMITE SMITE SMITE! – via Times Live

Looks like the tricks at the Departments of Science and Technology and Trade Industry have taken a page out of Obama’s book. “South Africa’s access to and control over its own satellites will ensure advanced surveillance and reconnaissance capabilities“. Mother fuckers! – via 2Oceansvibe

Jeannie D adds her midriff to her arsenal of Europe-terrorizing instruments. – via Instagram

ALERT THE AUTHORITIES: The entire country is smoking massive amounts of tik. Or at least that is the only explanation I can think of for the Prez’s approval ratings rising. – via News24

Ex-senior editor of the national news fuckery ANN7, Rajesh Sundaram, is taking a page from black jesus’s book and plans on biting the hand that fed him for “a dreadful three months“. – via 2Oceansvibe

Washington DC gets served 3 meter high Mandela REALNESS. – via ZAGossip

 

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Daily Skid Marks

omo2

Auditions (read: psychiatric screening) for the new Big Brother SA is currently under way. – via ZAGossip

Idols SA’s top guys announced.  So what about the bottom guys?! – via ZAGossip

Vote for Danny K’s BROWN EYE. You have my vote Danny! – via Twatter

“A billion Rand? Meh.”: Patrice Motsepe. – via Sowetan Live

The infighting can officially resume: Parliament announces new SABC board. – via Times Live

Jeannie D is done terrorizing Rome with her razor blade clavicles, now she is doing impersonations of a smug Calliphora Vomitoria across Athens. – via Twatter

Toronto Film Festival: SA not in the news for kiddy-porn or wife-murder for a change. – via SA Breaking News

The CSIR did science things and now errbody loves them.  Meanwhile, I’m still waiting for someone to invent “I can’t believe it’s not bigger” enlargement cream. – via Mail & Guardian

Communism has been the ultra #fail in other countries, but is will definitely work in South Africa. – via Mail & Guardian

Ermahgerd! Let’s take couple-selfie! Ermahgerd, ERMAHGERD! – via Serwehtern Lehrv

You can’t argue with this logic: You give me poor costumer service, I shoot you and break your shit. – via Mail & Guardian

To the South African tax payer: Roses are red, Violets are blue; When you weren’t looking, the Department of Public Works went ahead and fisted you. – via Times Live

E-tolls: Beating a dead horse (read: FUCKING a dead horse with a bag full of 18″ dildos – too much? I think NOT). – via Channel24

 

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Daily Skid Marks

Omo

Eskom will continue fucking everyone around, according to Eskom. – via Mail & Guardian

It is always heartwarming to see TRUE justice being served. – via Times Live

A smug twink nestles on a pile of FULL COLOUR newspapers and the D-R-A-M-A DRAMA in Potch (not really) over halted student publication. – via Mail & Guardian

Vida e Caffe drops a nugget of pure douchery at the 2Oceansvibe office. – via Twitter

Lucas Sithole shows the Americans what a South African can do with a pair of balls! – via SA Breaking News

This just in: JuJu is not black jesus, Zola is! South Africa NEEDS him! – via Sowetan Live

Zapiro defends the gays and reads South African adoption agencies to FILTH! – via Mail & Guardian

Public Enterprises Minister, Malusi Gigaba, announces his “cluster-fuck-of-fuckery” plan to save national air carrier SAA. – via Times Live

Jeannie D takes her clavicles on a tour of Rome. – via Instagram

When misogyny and homophobia collide: Zuma congratulates Abbott. – via News24

CRISIS in Nelspruit as Radio Lowveld signal drops! – via Facebook

E-tolling is fucked before it even started…#DUH. – via Times Live

 

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