One can always expect of IOL to deliver the back end of the trashiest news available in Sub-Saharan Africa. Today is no exception. IOL reports that Competition Commissioner, Shan Ramburuth, has been forced to resign after it was found that he used his work SIM card to look at fuck-bits costing the Competition Commission R120 000 in international roaming charges. I would like to take this opportunity to kindly request everyone to calm their self-righteous asses the fuck down. Calm? OK.
A couple of things are important to note here. If web-design and fried chicken expenses at provincial level reach amounts that defies the sheer fabric of reality, then I can say with almost complete certainty that if Mr Ramburuth was racking up a 120K bill for looking at videos of GloZell playing real-life Hungry-Hungry-Hippo, no one would have had a single fuck to give about it. But because he did what every normal man (or woman) does when in a hotel room after a day of working out of town – bust a nut – he is being made out to be the scum of the earth and unfit for his job. Give me a fucking break.
Secondly, even though I think the Ministry of Whatthefuckever which the Competition Commission reports to need to get the fuck down from their high horse, I still think he should have been fired. However, the reason should not be for “improper use of company resources”, but rather for “being a dumb fuck”. Let’s cut the shit and just admit that ALL of us have looked at a butthole or pussy-lip on a work device, on work bandwidth or in work time. The difference is, anybody with half a braincell would know to either keep that shit to an undetectable minimum, to erase your history or to do whatever needs to be done so you don’t get your thirsty ass caught! Hopefully the acting commissioner will be less of a fucktard.
While the heiress to the Cyrus fortune (note: the Cyrus fortune consists of a mullet wig, a Confederate flag tank top and a season ticket to NASCAR) was putting a supreme seafood platter (paging King Kenny!) on display (pictured above) across the pond at the VMA’s last night, South Africans were FAR more concerned with the doings of so-called Sushi King Kenny Kunene. We really need to start paying more attention to what’s going on in the world around us. Ignoring international news like this leads to war! Ask George W. Bush Junior!
So according to IOL (aka, the crawl space under the house where news goes to die), the fishy, sticky-fingered, aroma of the Sushi King has received attention (much more than Ms Cyrus got), because he has apparently given JuJu’s latest cry for attention – the EFF – a letter in his own handwriting saying BYYEEEE! Like everyone else, Kenneth Kunene has also jumped on the bandwagon telling the Prez he’s shitty shit shit. The bandwagon stopped at the EFF-off Freedom Fighters HQ when he was still on board, and now he’s HASTA! What happened? Maybe the sushi there wasn’t up to his standards (read: Miley Cyrus didn’t do a live performance in their offices) because now he’s left the building and hoes are talking all kinds of shit about “looking forward to working with him in the future“, which is politician speak for “You ain’t shit bitch! Good riddance! Eat a dick and die!“. Poor JuJu. I hope his stained maxi-pad can still absorb the tears he is crying after loosing his favourite fishy fat cat’s financial backing…