As the express train of pure fuckery, more widely known as the 2014 general elections, accelerates towards us at 9,81m/s2 political parties are making sure they secure your vote. As it is generally accepted self-whorring practice to make various empty promises, some parties are seemingly going against the grain by actually delivering on said promises! Ahawu!
From the nondescript image of a newspaper article tweeted by recently hulked-the-fuck-out radio beefcake Gareth Cliff (@GarethCliff), it would seem like the the Prez is showing us he is the HBIC by putting his (stolen tax) money where his (man-whore) mouth is. Creating opportunities for ladies of the night (naai-t) to peddle their wares is what democracy is all about! Keep up the good work ANC and keep making dem coins hunties!
PS, I would like to see Helen and Patricia to spearhead the opening of a couple new gay saunas across the nation in response to this!
As usual, COSATU came up with a revolutionary and awe inspiring idea: Let’s all fuck up traffic in protest against people fucking up traffic. BRILLZ! – via News24
The IEC is actively trying to increase the amount of fucks the country’s youth give about voting. In case you were wondering, the number of current fucks given is not very high. – via Eyewitness News
BREAKING NEWS: The weather in Wales is shit. So shit, that the Millennium Stadium’s roof needs to be closed. How will we cope? – via News24 (Seriously News24? Seriously?!)
The answer to your question is yes. Yes we are very jealous Heat Magazine SA! #lustblackout. – via Heat Magazine SA
The reincarnation of Annie Lennox makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a tampon applicator. – via Twatter
Thanks for the update Rob! Good thing you told us about the shit service at a government department, otherwise we wouldn’t have known. Phew! – via Twatter
So apparently Mother Earth is being made into the environmental equivalent of a bukkake cumslut…and that is bad. – via Mail & Guardian
Can someone please confiscate White Julius’s iPhone and put a muzzle on him? PLEASE? – via Twatter
THIS JUST IN: Dumb fucks who are fucking dumb enough to pay over 25K in rent can’t make payments on time because they are dumb fucks. – via Fin24
Make sure you register to be part of the fuckery next year! – via Times Live
SHOCK (read: not shocked at all): Boeremag leader, Tom Vorster, gets 25 years. – via News24
Jesus H. Christ! Pop this article by Beeld into Google Translate and marvel at the executive level INSANE FUCKERY the Boeremag was cooking. I retract the previous statement about not being shocked over Tom Vorster’s sentence. I AM shocked. I’m shocked that it’s 25 years and not 25 consecutive life sentences! – via Beeld
Another day, another corruption charge against a police official #sameshitdifferentday. – via News24
Another day, another Community Centre gets burnt down by protestors #sameshitdifferentday. – via Times Live
Where is Angie Motshekga when you need her to pray the gay away?! Come on Ange, b-holes are being violated in prisons by the truck-load! (Sidenote: If rape happens in a Correctional Service facility, is it “corrective rape”?). – via City Press
ZA Gossip should stop allowing their “staff writers” to do tik at their desks – for obvious reasons. – via ZA Gossip
Oh for the love of money! Guptagate is STILL a thing. Still?! #FFS. – via Mail & Guardian
By the bones of the ancestors! Someone in government actually had an idea that goes beyond petty bullshit. Somebody pinch me. – via News24