AGANG-DA Scissor Fest CANCELLED

SCISSOR

I know this is utterly juvenile, but does the picture above remind anyone else of this scene from South Park? I don’t know at what stage of the will-they-wont-they dance of seduction this photo was taken (google images does not have a “show only pre-/post-scissor images” function). If I had to guess, this was taken before Ma Zille was lashing out at Ma Ramphele (‘s pussay, because kissing after munching on a glycerined vag is unsanitary and just not ladylike).

If, like me, you’ve been using your bandwidth solely for Grindr purposes these past few months then this image wont make ANY fucking sense.  This image makes no sense, so allow me to explain.  A few months back, these two ladies sealed a deal with a lipsmack (I’m not saying which lips got smacked, because I’m fucking classy), which would mean a party coalition between AGANG SA and the DA for the upcoming elections in May 2014.

As one would expect, party members and political commentators were unable to discuss this coalition without the discourse being laced with the stench of racial divide. Critics seemed to care more about Helen Zille being white than the fact that she was actually an active fighter against Apartheid. SIGH. Whether mounting pressures from all angles resulted in the eventual split, we’ll probably never know. What we do know, however, is that the power pair in pants suits is now 100% DONE with each other.

I think this is a fucking travesty.  Announcing Ramphele as presidential candidate actually gave the DA a fighting chance against those thieving bastards who call themselves the ANC. DOUBLE SIGH. I need to go funnel a bottle of Tas now.

 

[Disclaimer]

 


I Forgot To Remember For A While – TWR: Gay DASO Poster

DASO

In the spirit of christmas getting AIDS from fucking black dudes in Africa, I would like to take you back almost two years, to when the infamous parody poster (pictured above) made its appearance on the interwebs. This parody poster features a gorgeous otter serving piping hot FACE next to a thirsty-as-fuck chlora, with the slogan “DASO: In OUR future, you wouldn’t look twice“. This was created in response to the original poster by DASO of a white man embracing a black woman:

daso originalSince most South Africans are basic bitches, a lot of tricks lost their shit over the poster and smeared their misinformed hate all over it every chance they got. According to mambaonline, some of the shade thrown included the African Christian Democratic Party accusing it of “promoting sexual immorality” and also suggesting that “it would lead to an increase in farm murders“. I can only IMAGINE what the African Christian DERP Party had to say about the gay adaptation…

Unfortunately I’m the laziest blogger on the internet, so I did not find the names of the tricks in the poster in the 5 minutes I spent looking for it. If you know who they are, put it in the comments so we can collectively cyberstalk their asses!

 

[Disclaimer]


The Political Fuckery Is Steadily Reaching Terminal Velocity

zille side eye

After you’ve taken a moment to appreciate the supreme side-eye Zillz is throwing at the Prez, I hate to be the one who says “I told you so” (read: I fucking LOVE IT), but… I told you so.  As we slowly approach the due date for Celebrity Death Match: Mzansi Edition (aka the presidential election), South African politicians are grasping at every piece of skidmark-stained undies in an attempt to discredit each other. In the red corner we have distinguished wife collector, and current President, Jacob Zuma. In the blue corner we have the face of Foschini’s pants-suit department, and DA leader, Helen Zille. These two ho’s have been at each others’ throats like two Gugulethu mongrels since the word no (NOT a typo, because “NO” is the only word I associate with South African politics). According to News24, the latest in a continuous line of wet-queefs in each others’ direction is the DA insisting that the National Prosecuting Authority release alleged sex tapes spy tapes to them. Apparently these spy tapes have got some dish on why the fraud and corruption charges against Jacob Zuma got dropped, quicker than a High School girlfriend during Varsity RAG week, back in 2009.

I really hope the NPA does hand over these tapes to the DA and I also hope those whores share the dirt with the rest of us.  We haven’t had a good scandal since Robbie Klay appeared on national television with a mullet claiming that Jurie Els (who doesn’t have a pedo-face AT ALL) touched his no-place. Also, there better be some good shit on those tapes or I’m going to be pissed! If it turns out those “spy tapes” are just recordings of Zuma’s sister wives having a bukkake party with the neighbours I am going to have a BITCH FIT!

 

[Disclaimer]


Brace Yourself, Intense Fuckery Is Coming

mamphela ramphele

Looks like South Africa’s election silly season is starting early this time around, so prepare yourself for some top class political fuckery Mzansi! The South African general election is set for mid-2014 and newbie party Agang’s leader Dr Mamphela Ramphele (the gogo with the exquisitely glycerined hair pictured above), (who holds a doctorate in throwing shade at sluts) got the ball rolling by telling the world that she can pay her own bills bills bills and definitely don’t want no scrubs! 2Oceansvibe reports that Dr Ramphele has released a statement outlining her financial net worth and annual income. Subsequent to the statement about her personal financial situation Ramphele had this to say to our dearest Prez:

“I call on President Zuma to disclose his finances immediately. What is there to hide?”

While everyone is busy picking at every single ANC fuck up since 1994 (note: there are A LOT) like the infected scab on our country that they are, I’m more concerned with what Ma Zille has up her exquisite Foschini pants-suit loose cuff. My vote is, and always has been, for the lady who has not a single fuck to give about everyone else’s bullshit.  I know it’s beneath her, but I NEED to see her do a big ass Democratic Alliance rally and perform this song about the ANC while Patricia de Lille twerks behind her:

 

[Disclaimer]