89,960 People Were Robbed In Soweto


The shadow over Monica’s career (and life in general) was given “The Shocker” (two in the pink, one in the stink) by event organisers at the recent Mandela Sports and Culture Day in Johannesburg. 2Oceansvibe reports that the full-time songstress and part-time Bebe Zahara Benet impersonator was meant to be part of the post-sporting musical segment of the event.  However, as one might expect from a locally organised event, none of the glamour-THIRSTY patrons were aware of the early-2000 EXTRAVAGANZAAAAH which awaited them. As a result, everyone took their shit and hoofed it over to the closest shebeen, for a different kind of Brandy (the kind that makes you blind), after the sport was done. Moesha (MO-EEEEE-SHA) came out to greet about forty confused audience ho’s and MO-EEE-SHA was NOT having it. She moaned out two songs and promptly left.

NO BITCH. This is not how we do. If you got your cheque, you perform – you perform your 100%-afro-unicorn-hair weave off! I hate it when bitches think they are bigger than the game. You don’t see ho’s at KFC throwing their hair nets on the floor and leaving in a huff on a slow day with no buckets, no zingers and no sides! No, they will do their best to fuck up your order whether they have 1 or 100 customers that day, because THAT is how it is done at KFC. Whether you are working the register or workin’ the stage, work is work and ho’s need to be professional like every-ho else! Weak Brandy, just weak!