Daily Skid Marks


Bobbie van Jaarsveld announces his decision to renew his beard’s contract after annual review. – via Twatter

In news of the double-‘meh’: ZA-Rwanda relations might experience strain after the assassination of former Spy Chief Patrick Karegeya. Bitch please! Meh1 = What South African actually even knows where Rwanda is? Meh2 = Who is Rwanda kidding by trying to convince the world they have spies. – via News24

Bitches are still bitching about the 2013 Matric exam results and I CAN’T. – via 2Oceansvibe

One hot air filled asshole calling another hot air filled asshole on the hot air in his asshole: The Mthethwa-Cele Saga. – via Times Live

E-toll…bile…bile…e-toll…bile…bile…#OVERIT. – via SA Breaking News

Nominate your top young South African for 2014! Register your nominations at the Mail & Guardian. My nominations are as follows:

– Nonhle Thema, in the category Most Inspiring Tweets

– Bobbie van Jaarsveld, in the category Most Exquisite Highlights on a “Straight” Man

– Ramey Short aka Ream-Me Short aka Dr McSmoothy, in the category Silkiest Pre-Cock

– All the 2013 Matrics, in the category Putting Up With The Entire Country’s Negative-As-Fuck Bullshit

Minister Angie Motshekga’s wig, in the category Serving Anne Hathaway Circa 2012 REALNESS



Daily Skid Marks


Call PETA! Call Greenpeace!! Call the UN!!! After traumatizing all of Europe Jeannie D has set her sights on the poor defenseless animals of Botswana. – via Twatter

@jennifer_su doing what she does best. #Siphoning #the #fame #from #Blist #celebrities #while #posing #for #twitpics. – via Twatter

As usual, COSATU came up with a revolutionary and awe inspiring idea: Let’s all fuck up traffic in protest against people fucking up traffic. BRILLZ! – via News24

The IEC is actively trying to increase the amount of fucks the country’s youth give about voting. In case you were wondering, the number of current fucks given is not very high. – via Eyewitness News

BREAKING NEWS: The weather in Wales is shit. So shit, that the Millennium Stadium’s roof needs to be closed. How will we cope? – via News24 (Seriously News24? Seriously?!)

The answer to your question is yes. Yes we are very jealous Heat Magazine SA! #lustblackout. – via Heat Magazine SA

The reincarnation of Annie Lennox makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a tampon applicator. – via Twatter

Thanks for the update Rob! Good thing you told us about the shit service at a government department, otherwise we wouldn’t have known. Phew! – via Twatter

So apparently Mother Earth is being made into the environmental equivalent of a bukkake cumslut…and that is bad. – via Mail & Guardian

Oopsie. Looks like Ashanti Mbanga wont be getting to flash her organic 100% recyclable pussy to the Miss Earth International judges in the Philippines after all… :(. – via Times Live



Daily Skid Marks


Auditions (read: psychiatric screening) for the new Big Brother SA is currently under way. – via ZAGossip

Idols SA’s top guys announced.  So what about the bottom guys?! – via ZAGossip

Vote for Danny K’s BROWN EYE. You have my vote Danny! – via Twatter

“A billion Rand? Meh.”: Patrice Motsepe. – via Sowetan Live

The infighting can officially resume: Parliament announces new SABC board. – via Times Live

Jeannie D is done terrorizing Rome with her razor blade clavicles, now she is doing impersonations of a smug Calliphora Vomitoria across Athens. – via Twatter

Toronto Film Festival: SA not in the news for kiddy-porn or wife-murder for a change. – via SA Breaking News

The CSIR did science things and now errbody loves them.  Meanwhile, I’m still waiting for someone to invent “I can’t believe it’s not bigger” enlargement cream. – via Mail & Guardian

Communism has been the ultra #fail in other countries, but is will definitely work in South Africa. – via Mail & Guardian

Ermahgerd! Let’s take couple-selfie! Ermahgerd, ERMAHGERD! – via Serwehtern Lehrv

You can’t argue with this logic: You give me poor costumer service, I shoot you and break your shit. – via Mail & Guardian

To the South African tax payer: Roses are red, Violets are blue; When you weren’t looking, the Department of Public Works went ahead and fisted you. – via Times Live

E-tolls: Beating a dead horse (read: FUCKING a dead horse with a bag full of 18″ dildos – too much? I think NOT). – via Channel24



Stop Getting Sick Or You’ll Bankrupt The Country!


According to the latest Adcorp Index, you lazy whores lucky enough to have a job should stop being lazy whores and be sick less often!  According to this index (via fin24), with the aid of a bunch of calculations my trick ass can’t even begin to understand, the unexpected and sheer volume of the South African workforce calling in sick had an estimated loss of production effect of R4.29bn in 2011.  I suspect AT LEAST R3bn of that was lost on Fridays after phuza Thursday.

In the wise words of Rihanna responding to a hater via her Twatter: “Your pussy is way too dry to be riding my dick like this“.  Yes, this is a big loss in GDP (see, I know clever terms as well ya bitches!) and yes, a I’m sure a lot of bitches could have actually worked on the days the call in sick.  HOWEVER, it is just a simple fact that hoes will get sick.  No matter how good your standard of living or public health care is, at some point you will find yourself unable to go to the place you loathe the most and spend 8 hours trying not to kill your boss. FACT.  Something else that also wastes money on a national scale, but which does NOT have to be a given, is the mismanagement or poor allocation of funds.

Two more current examples of this is the absolute MESS going down with the Gauteng e-tolling system, or the “cultural defense” of our President sticking his dick into anything that would let him and then having to pay for the spawn of whoredom from tax revenue.  To those of you sluts who would want to read me on this by saying that GDP and the spending of government funds aren’t the same thing, I would respond: I know betch! However, before you tell me to stop being sick on the job, stop wasting fucking money on whores and poorly executed projects!


Daily Skid Marks


Eskom will continue fucking everyone around, according to Eskom. – via Mail & Guardian

It is always heartwarming to see TRUE justice being served. – via Times Live

A smug twink nestles on a pile of FULL COLOUR newspapers and the D-R-A-M-A DRAMA in Potch (not really) over halted student publication. – via Mail & Guardian

Vida e Caffe drops a nugget of pure douchery at the 2Oceansvibe office. – via Twitter

Lucas Sithole shows the Americans what a South African can do with a pair of balls! – via SA Breaking News

This just in: JuJu is not black jesus, Zola is! South Africa NEEDS him! – via Sowetan Live

Zapiro defends the gays and reads South African adoption agencies to FILTH! – via Mail & Guardian

Public Enterprises Minister, Malusi Gigaba, announces his “cluster-fuck-of-fuckery” plan to save national air carrier SAA. – via Times Live

Jeannie D takes her clavicles on a tour of Rome. – via Instagram

When misogyny and homophobia collide: Zuma congratulates Abbott. – via News24

CRISIS in Nelspruit as Radio Lowveld signal drops! – via Facebook

E-tolling is fucked before it even started…#DUH. – via Times Live