Today Siesa Nyama is celebrating the 100th time we’ve been able to smear the filth that is South African news -well, our version of it anyway – across your phones, tablets and computer screens. Yes people, we’ve made it to 100 posts without being deactivated, sued or jailed. SCORE! For this reason, but mostly because we’re all drunk already and unable to come up with anything new, here is a recap of some of the highlights (or low lights, depending on your stance) so far. See how many of them you can remember!
Twatter users across the nation have been losing their shit after Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s Twatter account got SHUTTHEFUCKDOWN. The reason for the suspension of the handle @TutuLegacy was apparently “aggressive following”, but Twitter has since apologized for this faux pas committed by an automated system which was trying to purge the Twatter of spam or some shit. Twitter is apparently really sorry and is now feeling all the sads for doing a booboo and upsetting the maroon reincarnation of Gandhi.
I see you Twatter, playing the oh-fuck-we’re-sorry-it-must-be-a-computer-glitch card. NO BITCH. Don’t even try to be shady when I can see you in bed with Robert Mugabe fingering your butthole while whispering LIES in your ear. Seriously, if you wanted this story to stick, at least used a different reason than “aggressive following”. The Arch’s entire persona is about as “aggressive” as my flaccid peen after smoking some Transkei. The idea of the Arch being ANYTHING but sugar and spice and all things nice is about as believable as the suggestion that a post-coitus shower prevents HIV infection. Ho couldn’t be aggressive if he tried.
Anywhoo, the mess has apparently been sorted out so you can go ahead and #ff his monastic twitpics of happy township children playing with old tractor tyres. This just proves that no one is too old to take to Twatter. Don’t tell my gogo though, we already have enough pictures of seniors with their ugly ass Maltese on the internet!
So for those of you who didn’t know; Zimbabwe’s president, Robert Mugabe, is continuing his campaign to win the highly coveted Biggest Douche in the Universe award. According to City Press, in a recent address at a rally in Bulawayo, Bob had the following to say:
“. . . then we have a respectable man, an Archbishop. Tutu should just step down, because he supports gays, something that is evil. We say no to gays…”
Bob had this to say about Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s stance against homophobia. Bob being a hateful prick and hating on a beloved South African public figure aside, I simply CAN’T with that outfit he is wearing! One thing is certain, this bitch definitely does NOT have a gay working his wardrobe out…and it shows. It’s a pity Zimbabwe’s First Lady of Tyranny, Gucci Grace, isn’t doing her wifely duty by bringing Bob back some swag from her travels. That mess hanging off him looks like it was thrown together from the second-hand shit Pep Stores imports in bales from Eastern, and that hat! That fucking HAT!
No tea no shade Bob, but if you want to talk shit about the gays then a) you need to have your outfit IN CHECK and b) you best make sure you wipe the residual jizz from the corners of your mouth after sucking your own dick. Homophobic slurs really don’t hold any credibility with a face full of spunk. Also, someone needs to talk to him about the Hitler situation on his upper lip. It is quite obvious that Bob draws significant political inspiration from Das Führer, but his PR ho needs to get fired for failing to ensure that shit doesn’t get photographed.
The diseased, prolapse asshole of the African continent concluded his mouth-queefing session by saying that “…victory is ours…”. I’m sorry, but the only victory to be had here is by the shady bitch who sold you that mess on your body, Bob! He saw your blind ass coming a mile away and is still laughing all the way to the bank.