I know this is utterly juvenile, but does the picture above remind anyone else of this scene from South Park? I don’t know at what stage of the will-they-wont-they dance of seduction this photo was taken (google images does not have a “show only pre-/post-scissor images” function). If I had to guess, this was taken before Ma Zille was lashing out at Ma Ramphele (‘s pussay, because kissing after munching on a glycerined vag is unsanitary and just not ladylike).
If, like me, you’ve been using your bandwidth solely for Grindr purposes these past few months then this image wont make ANY fucking sense. This image makes no sense, so allow me to explain. A few months back, these two ladies sealed a deal with a lipsmack (I’m not saying which lips got smacked, because I’m fucking classy), which would mean a party coalition between AGANG SA and the DA for the upcoming elections in May 2014.
As one would expect, party members and political commentators were unable to discuss this coalition without the discourse being laced with the stench of racial divide. Critics seemed to care more about Helen Zille being white than the fact that she was actually an active fighter against Apartheid. SIGH. Whether mounting pressures from all angles resulted in the eventual split, we’ll probably never know. What we do know, however, is that the power pair in pants suits is now 100% DONE with each other.
I think this is a fucking travesty. Announcing Ramphele as presidential candidate actually gave the DA a fighting chance against those thieving bastards who call themselves the ANC. DOUBLE SIGH. I need to go funnel a bottle of Tas now.
I’ve been on sabbatical…no, that’s a lie. Saying I’ve been on sabbatical implies that a) I get paid for spewing Mzansi-flavoured filth all over the internet and that b) spewing Mzansi-flavoured filth all over the internet is a legitimate occupation. None of these are the case, so let’s just call a (gold digger) spade a (gold digger) space and say that I was being a lazy cunt and had absolutely NO fucks to give about blogging.
Firing up the old TOS-shiba and glancing over the stories making the news during my absence seem to indicate that the fuckery did not stop oozing out of the headlines while I wasn’t reading them. DA and AGANG held a scissor-fest, Oscar Fistorius had/has the entire world losing their SHIT, politicians were serving FUPA REALNESS on the red carpet, floods made Gauteng look like the massive gaping vagina of nation that it is and the collective insanity cluster-fuck that is Red October seems to have gone airborne, infecting the minds of a bunch of fucktards in the USA.
For your reading pleasure, I will discuss each of these incidents separately, to allow for the appropriately timed puke-breaks. You’re welcome.
Looks like South Africa’s election silly season is starting early this time around, so prepare yourself for some top class political fuckery Mzansi! The South African general election is set for mid-2014 and newbie party Agang’s leader Dr Mamphela Ramphele (the gogo with the exquisitely glycerined hair pictured above), (who holds a doctorate in throwing shade at sluts) got the ball rolling by telling the world that she can pay her own bills bills bills and definitely don’t want no scrubs! 2Oceansvibe reports that Dr Ramphele has released a statement outlining her financial net worth and annual income. Subsequent to the statement about her personal financial situation Ramphele had this to say to our dearest Prez:
“I call on President Zuma to disclose his finances immediately. What is there to hide?”
While everyone is busy picking at every single ANC fuck up since 1994 (note: there are A LOT) like the infected scab on our country that they are, I’m more concerned with what Ma Zille has up her exquisite Foschini pants-suit loose cuff. My vote is, and always has been, for the lady who has not a single fuck to give about everyone else’s bullshit. I know it’s beneath her, but I NEED to see her do a big ass Democratic Alliance rally and perform this song about the ANC while Patricia de Lille twerks behind her: