I saw White Julius’s tweet shown above and, much to my regret, followed the link to the opinion piece about white privilege on his website. THIS IS AN OFFICIAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: If you have a tendency to experience deep rage when you read blogs covered in solid chunks of bullshit permeating with delusion and misinformation then steer well clear of this mess.
Whether or not the mangled nature of the facts he cite, in this delicious racism-and-stupidity-cluster, is deliberate or simply the result of prolonged exposure to shitty Afrikaans music I don’t know. What I do know, is that I simply CAN’T with this level of fuckery. Bitch even quotes Marxist theory in his attempt to argue why he should feel proud of his forefathers colonizing Southern Africa. Note that when I say “quote” I actually mean “beat with a blunt object, violently ass-raped and smeared the blood, shit and cum mixture across our computer screens” (Too much? I think not).
This post is just another edition of the Steve-Hofmeyr-Series-Of-Rants-About-How-Whites-Have-Done-So-Much-For-The-Continent-And-Blacks-Have-Done-Nothing-And-Should-Be-Grateful-Rather-Than-Complaining. But on a serious note though, I think we should all collectively thank Good Guy Steve for being nice to a black dude while doing your BDram at Tuks and braving the jocks calling him a “kafferboetiemoffie“. Take down the statue of Madiba in Sandton Square and erect one of St. Steve IMMEDIATELY!
Also, all economics, politics and sociology students in the country can drop out of their courses right now, because Steve will hook you all up. Who needs to pay for a BA PPE when all you need to do is follow St. Steve’s words of wisdom on his website for FREE?! This must be the kind of philanthropy Steve is referring to in his post when he talks about his forefathers building schools, hospitals, churches and universities! Keep up the good work Steve!
I have seen into South Africa’s future and the future looks bright. Have you ever seen such raw talent? Such style?? Such grace??? Cancel Idols, because none of those hoes have got SHIT on Biggy+Mouse! Close all dental practices in the nation because teeth with which you can eat a mielie through a tennis racket is THE LOOK! And finally stop all production of new VW vehicles because you ain’t SHIT without a Golf2 GTI circa 1983!
Biggy+Mouse are not only trendsetters, they are PIONEERS! Who needs a video-ho oiled up and twerking in a bikini three sizes too small for her when you can have your hoes looking like the JUST stepped off an Ackermans shoot or like they just had Mouse’s snake in their mouse 5 minutes ago.
You don’t even have to understand Afrikaans to be able to appreciate this example of pure artistry. Big Sean and MC Hammer should not even THINK of suing for copyright infringement. If anything, Biggy+Mouse improved their respective songs by using the music in the TIGHTEST Afrikaans rap I have ever heard! Watch your back Jack Parow! Watch your back Snotkop! These boys are going to be BIG…well, bigger than they already are, that is…
For you dummies who don’t understand Afrikaans, let me translate this unfortunately shortened tweet:
“All of us at the doctor this morning! No sign of any strange flu!! Just some or other (cunt)”
That will teach you to stay within your 140 character limit ho!
A friend sent me this. I really don’t know why. Consider yourself downgraded to friend of friends, bitch! Maybe since I saw her last she has gotten into old Afrikaans tannies. Maybe she needed to share her pain with someone after seeing this mess herself. Maybe she wants to know what I’d look like with tampons jammed in my ears, because I had a heavy flow day after clicking play on this mess. Either way, I’m setting her homepage to meatspin (NSFW) next time I’m at her house.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on the Afrikaans divas from the 80′s. In fact, as a gay toddler growing up in middle class South Africa, I basically worshiped Carike Keuzenkamp. Unfortunately, that chubby, faggy little version of myself couldn’t know or even conceive of the raw and awe inspiring talent that is mama Mara, or SHE would have been my idol, and this blog would have been wall to wall HER.
Seriously though, all I can add to this depressing-as-hell shit is NO BITCH to Sonja. NO BITCH while Tutu’s twatter is getting cut off. NO BITCH while Madiba is making more trips to the hospital than me to the STD clinic after a gaye ol’ weekend at The Pressure Cooker, and a resounding NO BITCH when, in less than a month, Bonnie Tyler is planning on making every South African within earshot of her concert go full Ingrid Jonker into the ocean off Three Anchor Bay. The Prez should take some tips from UK Prime Minister David Cameron and block block BLOCK this shit for the sake of the people!
And to answer your question, NO BITCH. Sonja, I’m not missing you. I’m not missing your Namakwaland-farm-girl-who-pole-vaulted-over-puberty vocals and I’m most certainly not missing that discount-Durban-poison-trip mess of an album cover. NO BITCH.