AGANG-DA Scissor Fest CANCELLED

SCISSOR

I know this is utterly juvenile, but does the picture above remind anyone else of this scene from South Park? I don’t know at what stage of the will-they-wont-they dance of seduction this photo was taken (google images does not have a “show only pre-/post-scissor images” function). If I had to guess, this was taken before Ma Zille was lashing out at Ma Ramphele (‘s pussay, because kissing after munching on a glycerined vag is unsanitary and just not ladylike).

If, like me, you’ve been using your bandwidth solely for Grindr purposes these past few months then this image wont make ANY fucking sense.  This image makes no sense, so allow me to explain.  A few months back, these two ladies sealed a deal with a lipsmack (I’m not saying which lips got smacked, because I’m fucking classy), which would mean a party coalition between AGANG SA and the DA for the upcoming elections in May 2014.

As one would expect, party members and political commentators were unable to discuss this coalition without the discourse being laced with the stench of racial divide. Critics seemed to care more about Helen Zille being white than the fact that she was actually an active fighter against Apartheid. SIGH. Whether mounting pressures from all angles resulted in the eventual split, we’ll probably never know. What we do know, however, is that the power pair in pants suits is now 100% DONE with each other.

I think this is a fucking travesty.  Announcing Ramphele as presidential candidate actually gave the DA a fighting chance against those thieving bastards who call themselves the ANC. DOUBLE SIGH. I need to go funnel a bottle of Tas now.

 

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Say What You Will About The ANC, But Bitches DELIVER!

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As the express train of pure fuckery, more widely known as the 2014 general elections, accelerates towards us at 9,81m/s2 political parties are making sure they secure your vote. As it is generally accepted self-whorring practice to make various empty promises, some parties are seemingly going against the grain by actually delivering on said promises! Ahawu!

From the nondescript image of a newspaper article tweeted by recently hulked-the-fuck-out radio beefcake Gareth Cliff (@GarethCliff), it would seem like the the Prez is showing us he is the HBIC by putting his (stolen tax) money where his (man-whore) mouth is. Creating opportunities for ladies of the night (naai-t) to peddle their wares is what democracy is all about! Keep up the good work ANC and keep making dem coins hunties!

PS, I would like to see Helen and Patricia to spearhead the opening of a couple new gay saunas across the nation in response to this!

 

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The Prez Drags Our Lord And Saviour Into The MESS That Is South African Politics

Remember when I told you a while ago to brace yourselves for the fuckery the 2014 general election was going to bring? Well shit just got real! The Mail & Guardian reports that Jacob Zuma has gone from enabling the crucifixion of our justice system (shown above by Zapiro), to apparently dragging our Lord Jesus crucified and holy into his MESS.

If this blog seems to be written by an incoherent drunk, it is because the M&G article is full of so much fucking bullshit presented as if it is nothing out of the ordinary, that my head is spinning…or maybe it’s from those horse tranquilizers I just snorted in celebration of 100 posts…nope, it’s from this bullshit.  First of all, those shameless whores at M&G mangled and butchered The Prez’s original quote about “running the government forever” into a title which is much more eye-catching, i.e., double-fisting the word Jesus into it. Then, there is this sentence in this complete attention-whore of an article:

Repeated corruption scandals, increasing crime levels, poverty, high unemployment levels and internal bickering are hurting the ANC’s popularity.

Hurting? HURTING?! The level of fuckery bitches in the ANC have shown to be capable of, should have done nothing less than destroy the party completely. The NERVE to then go “door to door” on an election campaign! This motherfucker should all enter RuPauls’ Drag Race, because he clearly all posses charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent (as is required for entry):

C  harisma – Getting dumb hoes to listen to them even though everything falling out of their talking holes are filthy, STD-ridden LIES!

U  niqueness – Show me other “democratic” politicians who OPENLY practice polygamy, have been TO COURT for rape, has OPENLY admitted to gay bashing and who has been REPEATEDLY been accused of some kind of corruption.

N  erve – The NERVE to show your fucking face in public and ask for votes after all your messes.

T   alent – Incomparable talent for lying, stealing, cheating, beating, etc.

Yes, The Prez sure has the C-U-N-T he needs to get re-elected! Finally, this MESS of an article mentions that NUMSA has announced that it will not be backing the ANC in the coming elections. Dafuq? I don’t know too much about politics (or anything for that matter), but where do unions fit in? Aren’t unions supposed to be concerned with representing workers? Why would a trade union feel the need to openly back a political party…or announce that the won’t, in this case? SO MANY QUESTIONS! SO LITTLE ANSWERS!

So between the blatant whorring on M&G’s part, The Prez’s C-U-N-T and this NUMSA business I feel like I need a lie down…next to a bucket!

 

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