I take everything I said, about Justine Sacco, in my previous post back. This is the first and last time I will retract a piece as I have a very serious not-a-single-fuck-is-given policy. Based on this policy I stand steadfast next to every single nugget of filth I fling at your computer screen. However, after I saw the post on buzzfeed about Ms Sacco’s general Twatter activity, I have decided that this situation requires a retraction and sincere apology.
The tweets highlighted by the buzzfeed post clearly indicated that Sacco is about as sane as Amanda Bynes after a bong hit. 5150 a bitch STAT! Can you imagine the sheer fear her co-passengers must have experienced on the flight back to London if they knew of this fuckery?? The atmosphere must have been palpable. If you think I am exaggerating, just go read some of the gems buzzfeed was able to salvage from the now deleted Twatter account. My favourites are:
As I sit and eat a bagel with lox, i would like to send love to my jews who are all starving themselves right now. #hungryhungryhebrews
— Justine Sacco (@JustineSacco) October 8, 2011
“Weird German Dude: You’re in first class. It’s 2014. Get some deodorant.” -Inner monologue as I inhale BO. Thank god for pharmaceuticals.
— Justine Sacco (@JustineSacco) December 20, 2013
So since mental illness is a serious matter, I would like to apologise on behalf of all South African to Justine Sacco. You are forgiven as you knew not what you were doing (see what I did there with the Jesus reference, heh heh?). That said, to whoever gives Ms Sacco the help she so clearly needs, I would like to ask that you “remove the cause, but not the symptom” because this shit is GOLD!
Bandwagons and soapboxes are currently operating at maximum capacity as pseudo-activists (aka lesbian hippies who ONLY use Cherokee hair tampons) collectively lose their SHIT on Twatter over some dumb bitch’s tweet (shown above). If you were unaware of this fuckery before reading this shit, I do apologize most profusely (read: I’m not apologizing at all). I am, however, going to need everyone to stow it and calm their worked-up asses the fuck down and this is why:
First of all, this bitch was probably just making a funny. A joke in poor taste (aren’t those the best anyway?)? Perhaps, but still a joke nonetheless. All of you self righteous tricks can’t tell me you’ve never made a fat American, short-dicked Asian or sheep shagging Australian joke. If you can say you’ve never done this, well then fuck, aren’t you just the life of the fucking party! The fact that this “joke”, however, was made at the expense of poor, defenseless, starving and broke-as-fuck Africa seem to make it unacceptable – BITCH PLEASE. Sit your ass down.
Second of all, maybe this wasn’t a joke. Maybe Ms Sacco, like myself, is partial to a bit of African Rock Python and given the high HIV infection rate in sub-Saharan Africa – in addition to the fact that she likes to ride side-saddle (bareback anal) because she’s saving her clam burger for that special someone – she might just be legitimately concerned about her health.
Finally, I’m going to need everyone to calm the fuck down, because the real issue here – irrespective of whether she was kidding or expressing legitimate concern – is how this dumbass got a job in PR. P fucking R?? How the fuck are you going to work in PR and tweet bullshit like that?! I have degrees coming out my butthole and the good sense to make my internet trash anonymous, but I can’t find a job with proper medical aid to save my life! That’s some old bullshit!
Great, now I’m pissed off at that ho! I’m going to tweet some hate at her RIGHT NOW!
Doesn’t it just fill your heart with all kinds of warms and fuzzies when some fermenting pile of hangover shit names the love between two other consenting adults an “abomination”? Note: by warms and fuzzies, I mean it evokes a type of deep, angry rage that can only be described as foetid and primal (did I mention hangover shit?). So here’s a video of some gals who like gals marching about munching and angry onlookers throwing shade. Oh hang on! My bad- I may have misquoted. After listening to the protest onlooker’s thoughtful and rational critique a second time I heard what he actually said was “…is against deh bye-bool, is abomee-nehshen…”. Actually, I think you will find the actual “abomee-nehshen” is the fact that you obviously haven’t read anything newer than a 2000 year-old piece of fiction. Anyhow, this pearl of a comment is followed by a representative for ALL Africans (Africa! your new universal representative speaketh!) who states that if you are a woman and you are partial to the poosay you are “un-African” (obviously). Finally, the official face of methylated spirits took some time out from distilling his dinner through a half-loaf of Sasko Sam to inform us that he would kill his son were he to find out that Meth-head Junior was a ‘mo.
All of this trash was thrown at a bunch of gals who were only protesting against the turds trying to make muff-diving the second most dangerous sport in South Africa (the most dangerous one being politics, obviously). This is all shown in a teaser (via gaywrites.org) for the upcoming documentary, African Pride, by Laura Fletcher. This film will deal with South Africa’s complicated political and social stances on LGBT rights. Also included in the teaser are some clips of a protest relating to the Zoliswa Nkonyana murder trial. Zoliswa was a 19-year-old girl who was brutally attacked and murdered by nine men after a dispute in a bar in Khayelitsha (a large informal shanty town near Cape Town) over whether or not lesbians should be allowed to use the ladies toilets. This fuckery was postponed in court various (read: too fucking many) times and soon enough, people wanted justice.
Okay, so RANT = ON: This is the problem with allowing stupid people to talk to, or for, other stupid people. Someone should invent a stupid detector and stupid people should get TAGGED AT BIRTH. Dumb ho’s talk trash to other dumb ho’s, until one day, nine dumb ho’s kill an innocent woman over the use of a toilet! What in the actual hell? If they bothered to Google the Watusi, the Dagara, the Barenda, the Yoruba or the Kamba on their smartphones (note: these are not sex positions, or fashionable club drugs), they would have seen that scissoring and ass-fucking is hardly a new thing in Africa…shit, I actually think we may have invented it! If the dumb ho’s stayed in their dumb assorted houses of worship and talked shit to each other there about how much of an “abomee-nehshen” the rest of us are it would have been fine. I mean it is your right to talk as much shit as you want about other people behind their back. However, they are taking to the streets and committing unspeakable acts of violence. This is not what Madiba’s long walk to freedom was for. Fuck you for shitting on his dream! RANT = OFF.
So for those of you who didn’t know; Zimbabwe’s president, Robert Mugabe, is continuing his campaign to win the highly coveted Biggest Douche in the Universe award. According to City Press, in a recent address at a rally in Bulawayo, Bob had the following to say:
“. . . then we have a respectable man, an Archbishop. Tutu should just step down, because he supports gays, something that is evil. We say no to gays…”
Bob had this to say about Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s stance against homophobia. Bob being a hateful prick and hating on a beloved South African public figure aside, I simply CAN’T with that outfit he is wearing! One thing is certain, this bitch definitely does NOT have a gay working his wardrobe out…and it shows. It’s a pity Zimbabwe’s First Lady of Tyranny, Gucci Grace, isn’t doing her wifely duty by bringing Bob back some swag from her travels. That mess hanging off him looks like it was thrown together from the second-hand shit Pep Stores imports in bales from Eastern, and that hat! That fucking HAT!
No tea no shade Bob, but if you want to talk shit about the gays then a) you need to have your outfit IN CHECK and b) you best make sure you wipe the residual jizz from the corners of your mouth after sucking your own dick. Homophobic slurs really don’t hold any credibility with a face full of spunk. Also, someone needs to talk to him about the Hitler situation on his upper lip. It is quite obvious that Bob draws significant political inspiration from Das Führer, but his PR ho needs to get fired for failing to ensure that shit doesn’t get photographed.
The diseased, prolapse asshole of the African continent concluded his mouth-queefing session by saying that “…victory is ours…”. I’m sorry, but the only victory to be had here is by the shady bitch who sold you that mess on your body, Bob! He saw your blind ass coming a mile away and is still laughing all the way to the bank.