Today We Remember: Matthew Stewardson

Matthew1

I should really rename this segment to “Tricks Who Used To Be Hot A Few Decades Ago, But Of Which There Are Currently No Photos Of Said Hotness”, because goddam it is hard to find pics of these whores from the days before they looked like they’ve spent the most of their time since the late 90’s exploring tik-dens across the nation.  The image above will have to suffice as a jump-start for your filthy minds to remember cute cub Matthew Stewardson.

This scrumptious piece of boy-next-door meat with just the right amount of chunk was the only reason I watched SA Idol.  Sadly, his nose and his mouth started a competition about who can hoover in the most shit, which resulted in him going from the picture above, to the ones below:

Matthew2 Matthew3

Yup. Bitch got greedy and became bloated and fugly. A regular Rainbow Nation Elvis. In December of 2010, at the age of 36, Matthew died of natural causes in.  Apparently he met his end due to a heart attack or stroke he suffered while learning how to surf in Jeffreys Bay.   I, however, contend that this was suicide. Come on, lets cut the bullshit. Someone of this particular physique has NO business doing any sport, let alone sport at sea.  He probably though “Ah fuckit, I’m about 100% done with this shit” and paddled himself to his own demise.

This is all very sad really, and should serve as cautionary tale to any other hookers out there contemplating taking up a tik-bulb – leave that shit to the professionals! A career which started with K-TV and included work with international presenters like MTV UK’s Sami Sabiti, can go to shit real quick when you’re spending your days oscillating between a toke from your bulb and a bite from your Big Mac!

Rest in peace my cute cub.  At least I will always have early-2000-Matthew in my spank bank…

 

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