Joburg: Ground Zero For D-R-A-M-A, DRAMA!Posted: September 28, 2013
So if you are a thirsty Joburg bitch like me, today was a bitter sweet day. Not only were there chloras in all shapes and sizes to choose from at Soweto Pride today, but there was also a a march to celebrate the thirst in you, ie. SLUTWALK! So why “bitter sweet” you ask? Well, you would have had to make a decision on which is most important to you: Loving on the dick or err… loving on the dick (let’s cut the shit, no lesbians read my blog). This was a tricky one, but I chose Soweto Pride – but only because I wanted to see if I can get a piccie from under the stall of Kaye Ally getting scissored in a shebeen toilet.
For those of you who are somewhat confused, let me break this shit down into easily deepthroatable chunks. Pride is about promoting and celebrating your right to love on the dick, even if you have a dick (and I suppose the same is true for poon, but who knows what the lesbians do?!). The Slutwalk, however, is about promoting and celebrating your right to make a dick hard without having said dick enter your clam-burger / chocolate-starfish uninvited. I call shenanigans though. It is a well recorded fact that most faghags are whores (like the fags they support). Arranging a Slutwalk and a Pride parade on the same day in the same(ish) city is a blatant ploy to divide and conquer! We all know that the hags are the backbone of the gay community. Without them we would just be a bunch of closeted queens denying our true self and lusting after straight boys we can never have! Clever! But I’m on to you, Robert Mugabe!