Zakumi: A Dream Shattered


And just like that Buffoona Buffoona flushed Zakumi’s only dream down the shitter. If anyone is looking for him, I read on MXit that he’s in a basement somewhere in Cape Town doing tik with the hoes from Takalani Sesame to try and numb the pain. Zakumi’s woes are completely justified as Buffoona dropped out of the running to compete at the 2014 Soccer World Cup this past weekend because they couldn’t beat Ethiopia.  I’m not sure how the scoring works (with soccer balls, I mean), but in some way South Africa had to beat Ethiopia – whether on the field or with points scored, I don’t know – and they didn’t.  Ethiopia? Ethi-FUCKING-opia?? Aren’t these ho’s being kept alive with nothing but bags of AIDS-porridge and tubes of Malaria vaccine? How the fuck do you lose to Ethiopia?!

The saddest part of this defeat is not that South Africa won’t be competing in the very global sporting event we hosted in 2010. The saddest part of this defeat is also not the fact that we will in all probability lose our beloved mascot Zakumi to a tik overdose. The saddest part about Bafana dropping out of the competition is the fact that Doughboy Malema now has something to mouth-queef about again.

There is no doubt that soccer in South Africa needs development at grassroots level like Julius needs a to have a stomach bypass, but having to listen to his verbal diarrhea about how all whites are racist and him being black jesus won’t do anything to improve the situation. For now, we should all focus our efforts to find the tik-den Zakumi is at and get him to Harmony House to dry out! Stat!



2 Comments on “Zakumi: A Dream Shattered”

  1. […] believe Orlando Pirates even have the nerve to consider playing in the MTN 8 final while Zakumi is still in a tik-induced coma. – via Mail & […]

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